In today’s culture, we do everything we can to keep death at a distance. We celebrate youthfulness, avoid conversations about dying, and tend to treat death as something that happens far away from us, as though it were a distant possibility, rather than an inevitable certainty. Death is portrayed as something that can be postponed indefinitely, and this avoidance shapes how we live—prioritising the immediate, numbing ourselves to deeper questions, and pushing aside the thought of our finite time on earth.
But Søren Kierkegaard, the 19th-century Danish philosopher, would argue that this avoidance of death has serious consequences for our lives and our mental health. In his book, The Sickness Unto Death, Kierkegaard makes a strong case for why confronting mortality, rather than running from it, is key to living an authentic and meaningful life. He believes that facing death helps us grapple with the truths of our existence and ultimately leads to a more fulfilled way of living.
So, how can we take Kierkegaard’s perspective on death and apply it to our own lives in a way that counters the anxiety of a death-avoidant culture? Facing the weight of our mortality can help us live more deeply, genuinely, and without fear.
Death-Avoidant Culture: The Anxiety of Denial
It’s no secret that modern society is uncomfortable with the idea of death. We spend billions on anti-ageing products, medical advancements, and lifestyle changes designed to keep us young forever—or at least to pretend we can. We’re bombarded by advertisements selling youth, beauty, and longevity, subtly telling us that anything less is failure.
This discomfort with death often starts early. Many of us grew up in households where death was not discussed openly. It was something whispered about, avoided, or softened with euphemisms. Even when death touched our lives—through the loss of a loved one, for instance—the instinct was often to move forward as quickly as possible without fully processing the loss. There is a fear that facing mortality might overwhelm us, leaving us paralysed by dread or despair.
But according to Kierkegaard, it is precisely this avoidance of death that leads to a deep, existential anxiety. When we refuse to acknowledge the inevitability of death, we end up living inauthentically—caught in a state of denial that keeps us from confronting who we are and what truly matters to us. Avoiding death doesn’t make the fear go away; rather, it transforms it into an unspoken undercurrent, an anxiety that hovers over us, even if we can’t articulate it.
Kierkegaard’s Call to Confront Mortality
Kierkegaard offers a very different approach to death—one that is direct, open, and unflinching. In The Sickness Unto Death, Kierkegaard describes despair as an illness of the spirit, a state where we are disconnected from our true selves. This despair often comes from avoiding the deeper realities of life—death being one of them. He suggests that the key to overcoming this despair is to face death head-on, to understand it as an essential part of our existence, and to let this awareness shape how we live.
Rather than seeing death as a terrifying unknown to be avoided, Kierkegaard sees it as a defining aspect of what it means to be human. By confronting our mortality, we come face-to-face with the fact that our time here is limited, and this pushes us to ask the big questions: What do I want my life to stand for? What do I truly care about? Am I living in a way that feels true to who I am?
In other words, facing death forces us to examine whether we are living authentically. It makes us take a hard look at the choices we’re making, the priorities we’ve set, and the person we are becoming. It can be deeply unsettling, but it can also be incredibly liberating. The fear of death can be transformed into a powerful motivator for living more fully.
Embracing Mortality to Live Authentically
Kierkegaard’s insistence on confronting death is not just an abstract philosophical idea—it’s a practical guide for how to live more authentically. Here are some ways in which embracing our mortality can change how we live:
- Focusing on What Truly Matters: Acknowledging that our time is finite forces us to take a closer look at what really matters to us. Are we spending our days pursuing meaningful goals, or are we getting lost in the distractions of modern life? Are we investing time in relationships that bring us joy and growth, or are we letting the superficial take over? Embracing the reality of death helps us realign our priorities and focus on what truly brings us fulfilment.
- Taking Ownership of Our Lives: Kierkegaard was deeply interested in the idea of personal responsibility. When we confront our mortality, we recognise that we alone are responsible for how we choose to live. We can’t afford to defer to societal pressures or live according to someone else’s expectations. Understanding the inevitability of death pushes us to take ownership of our actions, to live in a way that feels genuine, and to make choices that align with our true values.
- Deepening Our Relationships: The awareness of death also changes how we approach our relationships. When we understand that our time with the people we love is limited, we become more present with them. We listen more deeply, express our love more openly, and are less likely to take those relationships for granted. Death, rather than being an enemy, becomes a reminder to cherish the moments we have with others.
- Letting Go of the Fear of Judgement: When we’re in denial about death, we often get caught up in trying to impress others or conforming to societal standards—because we’re seeking a sense of permanence in a world that feels uncertain. But when we face the reality that everything is temporary, including ourselves, the fear of judgement starts to fade. What others think of us matters far less when we understand that our time is limited. We become more willing to take risks, to be vulnerable, and to live according to our own beliefs.
Living with Death in Mind: Practical Steps Inspired by Kierkegaard
Facing mortality is not easy, and it’s natural to feel uncomfortable when thinking about death. However, there are practical ways to begin embracing this aspect of life in a way that brings us closer to the kind of authentic existence that Kierkegaard envisioned.
- Practice Mindful Reflection: Set aside time to reflect on your life regularly. Ask yourself questions like: If I only had one year to live, what would I change about how I’m living today? This exercise helps bring the reality of mortality into focus and encourages you to take actions that align with your true values.
- Accept the Uncertainty of Life: Death is the ultimate uncertainty. We don’t know when or how it will happen, but we know it will. Accepting this uncertainty—rather than trying to control or avoid it—can help reduce anxiety. Kierkegaard saw faith as a crucial component of facing death: faith in something greater, faith in the meaningfulness of life, even if we don’t have all the answers.
- Openly Talk About Death: One of the reasons death feels so frightening is that we rarely talk about it. Make an effort to have open and honest conversations about death with your loved ones. Whether it’s discussing your own wishes, talking about the loss of a loved one, or just reflecting on what death means to you, these conversations can help normalise the topic and reduce the fear around it.
- Engage in Acts of Service: Kierkegaard believed that living authentically involved connecting with others in meaningful ways. One way to do this is by engaging in acts of service—helping others without expecting anything in return. Acts of service remind us of our shared humanity, our fragility, and the ways in which we are all interconnected. They can also provide a sense of purpose that transcends our individual fears and anxieties.
Facing Death to Truly Live
The paradox of life, as Kierkegaard saw it, is that in order to truly live, we must be willing to confront death. We must be willing to face our finiteness, our vulnerability, and our limitations. It is through this confrontation that we come to understand what it means to live fully and authentically. By acknowledging that our time is limited, we gain the motivation to live deeply, love fiercely, and pursue what matters most.
In a culture that so often shies away from the topic of death, Kierkegaard’s reflections offer a powerful counterpoint. Instead of running from death, he urges us to see it as a crucial part of our existence—one that has the potential to enrich our lives rather than diminish them. By facing the weight of our mortality, we can overcome the existential anxiety that comes from denial, and we can begin to live in a way that truly honours the time we have.
In the end, death is not something to be feared but something to embrace as an integral part of the human experience. As Kierkegaard reminds us, it is in facing death that we learn how to truly live. And in a world that so often seems determined to avoid this truth, perhaps there is no greater act of courage—and no greater source of fulfilment—than embracing it.